A Cop and a Banana
by nicosnowangelo
Summary: What happens when Sadie and Carter's roadtrip turns rather disastrous? This is a request I did from a few years ago. Features a surprise guest from Camp Jupiter you all love to hate.
1. I'm not crazy!

**I wrote this for a request on one of the Facebook pages I admin. I apologize for any mistakes whatsoever. And please excuse my bad attempt at comedy, or anything interesting really. I tried, but like I said, I'm not that good at writing. Obviously, I do not own Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, The Kane Chronicles, or anything Rick the wonderful troll writes. **

You know what it's like being turned into a banana? It sucks. Majorly.

If Sadie hadn't screwed everything up, we wouldn't be in this situation. [Yeah, it WAS your fault, Sadie.]

Here's the background.

Sadie was 18. I was 20. It was summer vacation. And since it had been a while since we actually relaxed, we decided that we should leave Brooklyn House for a while. As much as I hate to say it, I missed Sadie. She was off at college, and I was guiding the initiates at Brooklyn House and being the Pharaoh as well. Sadie and I barely ever got to see each other. I just wanted it to be like the old days, when we could talk our cares away. [Yes, Sadie, I wanted some quality sibling time, okay? I said it. Happy?] Gods, she's still annoying. [Don't hit me!]

So we were driving down the highway in a red convertible with our stuff in the back seat. I was pretty used to travelling light because of living with my dad, so I only really had one suitcase. It was mostly Sadie's stuff in the car. You know: hair dye, makeup, clothes, shoes, tablet, phone, laptop, Anubis posters [you know it's true!], and other stuff.

We were just talking about how Sadie was doing at college. She told she had made a few friends, and that she liked most of her teachers, except for one. Her name was Ms. El Naddaha, or something. And I told her about new initiates we had, and the current affairs of Egypt. Everything was pretty normal. At least, as normal as things can get for magicians. But of course, Sadie had to mess it up.

She happened to see some weird sparks off the side of the road. The highway was empty except for us, so there was no way we could ever miss it. Unfortunately, I had let Sadie drive, and even though I protested, she swerved and drove straight to the scene.

I knew there was going to be trouble as soon as we saw the skinny blonde kid. Okay, he wasn't really a kid. He looked older than us, but he acted really strangely. For one thing, he was holding a mutilated elephant pillow pet in one hand and a small knife in the other. The pillow pet had stuffing spilling out of it, and the guy was shouting curses at the sky. I was pretty sure they were in Latin. His blue eyes had an insane look in them, and he was wearing a toga, which didn't help. [No Sadie, they were not bed-sheets. Yes, I'm sure.] He started screaming nonsense about cohorts and New Rome and stuff. I didn't understand a single word, even though it was in English.

Sadie and I exchanged a glance. We decided he was nuts. Or as Sadie would say it, sky goddess. He suddenly noticed us and grinned. I'll admit: it freaked me out. He had this crazed, violent, wild look in his eyes. By the looks of it, he hadn't eaten in a while. He probably was starving and delusional too. Then he spoke.

"Hey you." I wasn't sure whether it was a good idea to respond. Before I could say anything, he said: "Do you have a stuffed animal? A real animal is preferred, of course, but I can't face the animal cruelty charges, and stuffed animals work just fine."

"Uhh…", I said, "no. Sorry, man." I sort of felt bad for him, because he seemed lonely and he looked like he needed a home. But I was more creeped out than anything else.

"You sure? You have a lot of stuff in that convertible of yours." He eyed it hungrily, like it was a nice big bowl of pasta or something.

"Sadie, let's go", I muttered so that only she could hear me. But somehow, that weird man sensed we were leaving.

"Don't go", he hissed. "You will be cursed by the gods!" He held out the elephant. "See! Look at it! The patterns

are very clear. That tuft right there… and yes that one…" He started muttering. Sadie and I were really spooked out now. We started to slowly back away, but he suddenly leaped at us. Sadie screamed [yes, you did!] and grabbed his throat just as he grabbed her. I didn't know what to do.

"Banana slug!" Sadie shouted. I heard police sirens and I knew immediately that things would go wrong. The man held up his sword as a blast of golden light was launched at him. It didn't hit him. Instead, it ricocheted off his blade. I sighed with relief. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain to the cops that my sister had turned some crazy man into a banana slug.

Unfortunately, the light bounced off the blade and hit me. And, of course, the spell wasn't finished completely, so instead of being turned into a banana slug, I was turned into a banana. I panicked. I could still see and hear and smell, but I couldn't move or talk. It was terrible. Here I was: the mighty Pharaoh, Lord Carter Banana Kane.

As if this wasn't bad enough, the weird guy fainted on the spot. Great. Now it looked like Sadie had hurt him or something.

The police cars pulled up. Sadie hastily picked me up and stuffed me in her pocket. The world was plunged into darkness.

I heard a cop's voice say: "Is there a problem, ma'am?" I hoped to the gods that Sadie wouldn't say something stupid. But of course, she did.

"As a matter of fact, officer, there is!" she said.

"What's the problem, ma'am?" The policeman had a Southern drawl.

"This madman made me turn my brother into a banana." I wanted to scream. The cop was thoroughly confused, I could tell. [Sadie tells me she realized how that sounded after she said it. Of course you had to realize AFTER.]

"Miss, this man here?" He spoke as if she was crazy. Like, mental asylum crazy.

"Yes!"

"And may I see your brother please?" She reached towards me and lifted me out of her pocket. The policeman was a tall African American man. He took me in his hands. It must be awful for bananas to be jostled around and handled so much. I know I hated it.

"This banana is your brother." He sounded very doubtful, and possibly afraid. Sadie nodded, a fierce look in her eyes. The police man stared at her, then the blonde man on the ground, then at me, and finally, back at Sadie.

"Ma'am, are you sure that you haven't hurt the man on the ground?"

"Of course I haven't!"

"Do you know his name?"

"No, I don't know his bloody name." The police was silent for a while and then turned to his vehicle. His made some motions with his hands and a lady cop got out of the car. She was holding handcuffs. Sadie's eyes widened.

"You don't think I did something wrong, do you? I'm telling you, it was that guy!" She pointed to the man who had fainted. "It's the truth. I have my I.D., and my license, and everything. I can show them to you. And I'm not crazy or anything. I swear!" Both of the police officers exchanged a glance. It was pretty obvious that they thought she was.

"Ma'am", said the lady, "these handcuffs are just to restrain you."

"I don't need restraining!" The lady ignored her and locked them on anyway. She tried to take me away from Sadie, but Sadie screamed: "Don't touch my banana!" That sounded really wrong. The police left me in Sadie's hands, but they seemed more concerned.

"Is that your car, ma'am?" Sadie nodded. "Alright, well, we'll need to tow it." Sadie looked like she was going to protest, but she finally realized that she was going to make her case worse. She was helpless as the male cop forced her into his vehicle and drove off. The lady stayed behind with her police-car, the convertible, and the weird guy.

So that's pretty much how we got here, the police station. I'm stuck in banana form. Sadie, I hope you're ashamed of yourself. You can't even go back to college. And even if you somehow get out of this, your college probably won't take you back. And how am I supposed to rule in banana form? How are we going to get out of this one?


	2. Un-banana-fication

**Someone asked for a sequel a few days after the original was written. They wanted to know how Carter gets turned back to a human. So here it is. It's short - and poorly-written - because I might've rushed it a bit... As usual, I am not Rick Riordan, so I do not own The Kane Chronicles, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and The Heroes of Olympus. I also apologize for all my errors whatsoever.**

Okay, here's a quick recap: Sadie and I were on vacation. It was a great June afternoon. But then Sadie saw a weird dude on the side of the road and decided to investigate. Things went wrong pretty quickly, and I got turned into a banana. It was all Sadie's fault. [Yes it was! Now shut up, Sadie. I'm telling the story.] The police showed up and Sadie was taken to the police station.

Yup. That's where we were right now. Just sitting on a cold, hard bench, behind bars. [I don't know how bananas sit, okay?] I mean, we'd done some crazy things over the years, most of which were probably illegal, but I'd never thought we would actually be put in jail. It wasn't a huge prison; just a small cell in the back of the police station, but it was still awful. The police told us that they were going to question us later, but for now, we had to stay in the cell.

I don't how long we were there, but it was probably at least a day. It was late in the morning when we heard the clinking of keys. Sadie sat up straighter. I... well, I did nothing. That's what bananas do.

Anyway, we waited anxiously for the police man to slide open the bars. That's when we saw her: a tall, thin woman in a leopard-print shirt and skinny jeans that accentuated her figure well. It was was our favorite feline, Bast. I was so relieved to see her there.

"You two are free", the police man said gruffly. Sadie looked as if she couldn't believe her ears. I couldn't believe it either.

"Really?", Sadie asked incredulously. He nodded. "Thank you!" she gasped. The man motioned towards Bast.

"You should thank your aunt here", he said. Bast smiled at him.

"You're really too kind, officer", she said, a hint of a purr in her voice. "How can I ever repay a nice handsome man like yourself for doing such a thing for me?" She laid a hand on his arm. The officer blushed and smiled.

"No worries, ma'am", he said dreamily. He motioned for Sadie to get up. She picked me up, placed me in her pocket and walked out of the cell. We were led outside, where the red convertible was waiting for us. The officer told us to keep out of trouble, but I knew he wasn't really paying attention to us anymore. He was staring at Bast instead. She thanked him again and complimented his muscles one more time. Then he went back inside, whistling happily. As soon as he was gone, Bast's flirtatious smile melted off her face. She looked pretty mad. Wait, scratch that; she looked furious.

I spent the car ride back to Brooklyn House still stuck as a banana. Sadie and I also spent the car ride home being yelled at by an angry goddess. Have you ever seen a cat fight? Where one cat's yowling and screeching at another cat, and at one point, you just cover your ears because your ear drums hurt? Bast sounded like that, complete with hissing, but she was ten times louder and ten times scarier. I had always thought cat fights were just annoying, and even a little amusing, but I changed my mind after that car ride. There was nothing funny about it. I'd never seen Bast so angry at us. Sadie and I were terrified, but we could understand why she was so mad. Any parent would be mad if they found their kids in jail. Our mom would probably have done the same thing. Still, it's hard to feel like a Pharaoh when you're a banana being scolded by a cat goddess.

Finally, we got back to Brooklyn House. By that time, Bast had cooled down significantly. She seemed relieved to have us back home and safe. She gave us a bone-crushing hug when we were inside the Great Room. I thought it was a little strange that her mood had changed so quickly from what-were-you-two-thinking-getting-arrested-i-was-worried-sick to i'm-so-glad-you're-safe-and-now-i'm-going-to-hug-you-until-you-suffocate. But that might've just been me.

Sadie explained everything to her, and unlike the police, Bast didn't look at Sadie as if she were crazy. She seemed a little troubled when she heard about the blonde man, but otherwise, she didn't seem too surprised. She asked to see me, and Sadie handed me over to her.

Bast looked at me gravely. She looked so huge, and I suddenly feared that she would just peel me open and eat me right then and there. It wasn't too far-fetched considering she'd almost pounced on me the first time I learned to change into bird form. Thankfully, she didn't do that. She muttered a few Egyptian words, and pretty soon, I could feel my fingers again. I jumped up and glanced into a nearby mirror. I was human again! But something was wrong. I suddenly realized my skin was yellow -like a banana peel- and gave a yelp. I turned to Sadie and Bast. My dear sweet sister was cracking up, and even Bast was trying to stifle laughter.

"How can I become normal again?" I asked. Oh, it was so nice to be able to speak. Bast frowned good-naturedly.

"Not even a 'thank you'", she said, wagging a finger at me. I sighed.

"Thank you, Bast." She nodded approvingly.

"Much better. Your skin will return to its normal color after a few days." A few days? How would I be able to leave Brooklyn House without being mocked?

"Can't it go away sooner?" She shook her head.

"Sorry, dear, but you'll just have to wait it out."

"Oh don't look so sad, Carter", Sadie butted in. "Yellow is a lovely color on you."

"Shut up, Sadie", I muttered. I heard voices coming from the kitchen, and I rushed to my room so that no one could see me


End file.
